So like I said I had asked my wife to write a post a couple weeks ago and she has been working on it for a while now and she finished it so I thought I would post it up here for anyone that cared to read it. some of what she wrote is personal but when I asked her to write it I told myself no matter what she writes thats the post, she said to me when she gave it to me "just edit out what you don't like" but I don't want to do that because this is what she wrote and I don't like censorship. so here it is exactly as she wrote it.
As Ever
Me
I was never one caught up on looks. I learned at an early age, even a really cute guy can be jerk. So what was the point? It became apparent to me, appearance didn’t mean anything. Unlike my highly competitive step-sister, who made it very clear she didn’t agree with my appearance, or my friend’s appearances. My opinion of her pretty face helped prove my point.
If I had to think about it, High School is where I would start. You know when the hips start to grow and the curves become appealing to most. I swam 20 hours a week, plus competition on the weekends. I weighed in at 160 lbs, with a 28 inch waist, and did I mention curves? Though my mother did her best to provide a balanced dinner, I lived half the time at my father’s house, where I split a box of pasta with my step-sister every night. My breakfasts were bagels, and my lunches were French Fries. I drank soda day in and day out, and candy bars and ice cream were my favorites.
After High School, swimming stopped. I gained 10 lbs. Being poor probably prevented me from gaining 30. I don’t think I realized until then, that you can survive off of Ramen Noodles! Those days moved quickly. I don’t remember much of it. But I remember the scale going up.
I fell in love with my husband on the phone. I was tired of B.S. and really just wanted someone to talk with. Finding someone to listen is easy. But finding someone to talk to…that’s different. And he and I had it! At this point I weighed 180 lbs. I was slowly gaining weight, but I wasn’t concerned. I knew he was a big guy. I kind of liked that. I felt safe around him. I don’t think being a big guy was the only factor. He really cared about me, and I knew if I was in trouble, he would be there for me. (Not that I was the kind of girl that got in trouble a lot ha ha).
It wasn’t long into our relationship, when Tony hurt his back. We were still learning who we were together. We were still splitting our bills 50/50. We still didn’t have a refrigerator in our apartment! The injury definitely rocked the boat. By this time, I was weighing in at 190 lbs. The stress we both carried during the worse of his injury, pushed us to find comfort in food. Treats were common. Pasta was more common because it was cheap, and if we ate it all, we wouldn’t have to put in the cooler with ice in it. Burger King was a regular meal, since at that time they were selling $0.99 cheeseburgers. I wasn’t too concerned about my weight. That Christmas, we were able to buy a video camera (and we finally had a refrigerator). One day that spring, we went to the park and Tony was video taping the kids playing on the playground. He got me going down the slide with our son, which I felt the slide was a little tight, but thought, oh well. I was wearing overalls, which I used to love wearing with a tight shirt; I always thought I looked super cute as a tom-boy with a girl flare. He also got a couple shots of me walking away. Then about half way through the video, he zoomed in on another woman’s butt. Normally, I wouldn’t care. Normally, I would have slapped his arm and moved on. Normally, I would have found a way to get him back! But not this time. I just remember how fat I looked in my clothes, and how big and retarded I looked going down that slide, and how much bigger my butt was compared to that other woman. I ran outside and cried. I don’t know if he knew, but I was hurt. I was mad that I had gained so much weight. And I was confused about how it even happened. My eating habits have been the same as they always were. But here I was hitting 200 lbs!
Our wedding day was quickly approaching. We both tried Aitkin’s Diet. It worked! (for awhile) I remember Tony walking into his aunt’s house and wiggling his pants off because they were too big. We were all so happy to be losing weight. I don’t remember my weight, but I think by the time we got married I weighed 190lbs. By the time we got home, I gained it ALL back. Tony got sick one day and felt he needed the carbs, and Aitkin’s was out the door.
You make excuses up as you go. Everyone says you gain weight after your married. The jewelers even tell you to buy a larger ring. Tony’s back injury soon became weight gain, and weight gain became his back injury. It was hard to determine the difference between the two. He couldn’t work out like he used to because his back hurt. His back hurt because he was gaining weight on top of his injury. His identity was getting lost. He would reminisce about hiking, and running, and working out with the boys. He had already decided those days were long gone. Decisions to go out were based on his comfort level. Restaurants were a big issue. Never mind the food had to be good, and portions large, but the seating arrangements had to be made. We barely went to the movies. And concerts, sporting events and the like were out of the question. Some days he would push through it. I remember one time, we went Trick or Treating with the kids on Halloween. The family wanted to walk to a nearby neighborhood to get the best candy. We discussed for probably 15 minutes whether we should drive or walk. Tony wanted to drive over. I backed him up, but the rest of the family wanted to walk. We ended up walking. About 2 blocks in, Tony was leaning on me for support. An extra block out was filled with dread because of an extra block back. One whole block didn’t have any Treats, and we felt like it was a huge waste. And though my memory isn’t that clear, I’m pretty sure that excursion had Tony laid up for a week after.
I tried to lose weight in the past 5 years. Weight Watchers, Exercise, counting calories (though the wrong way), and low/no carbs. I would fluctuate in weight, seeing some success, and then losing all hope by gaining it back. By the time I had our daughter, I weighed in at 249. What could I do? Every time I went to the store, a request for a “treat” was made, and I happily obliged. We worked together at getting fat. I bought a Ford Focus, and it soon became the plight of every outing we had. That was the only time I drove with Tony in the car, because it just wasn’t comfortable with the shifter digging into his leg. We stayed home often, finding comfort in TV, Rented Movies, and Video Games.
I started to push Tony to look into surgery. I felt it was his only hope. I had been hinting at it here and there, but the subject always got dropped. I was afraid for him (blatantly ignoring my own health issues) and I kept asking him to see a doctor, do some research, talk to some of our friends and family that have gone through it. Anything! I know it was getting to him. But I’m glad he found out the things he found out. It was a long process. Close to a year. He kept looking at all the different procedures, and all the side effects. He would come up with an excuse, saying “I don’t want to take vitamins all of my life.” And I would retort, “Do you want to take blood pressure medicine all your life?” Then he came across a side effect he couldn’t accept. Death. I felt like it was hopeless. Couldn’t he see, he was heading there anyways? It may not be this year, or the next. But if he kept gaining weight, things were not going to get better. A few more months went by, and a lot more research happened. And then he announced, on the eve of 2008, that he was going to count calories. I honestly don’t even think I heard him. I went out that night to get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for both of us (each!) to ring in the New Year. I promptly sat down and ate mine. He put his away. The next morning, I made him his regular coffee with lots of milk and lots of sugar. He asked me how much of each I put in the coffee, and I didn’t understand the question. Then he said, “I’m counting calories, so I need to know.” I thought, “Oh, he really meant that?” So the next day, I joined him.
To say I have my husband back is an understatement. It’s more like; I have my boyfriend back since he’s more like when we met, then when we got married. He’s lost more than just weight. He’s lost a whole personality that was affecting the whole family. He lost the guy who just wanted to stay home and let life pass by. He lost the guy who felt a video game was easier than a trip to the park with the kids. He lost the guy who had very little control over his life. He has gained his self respect, energy, father-hood, and a happy married life.
I was thinking about how “we” have done this together. I’m down to 180 lbs and looking forward to losing more. I have supported him, tried different foods, done special grocery lists, and involved my parents so we can enjoy dinner over their house. We discuss bad weigh-in weeks and good weigh-in weeks and much more. Sometimes, though, I don’t see myself as someone who has done this with him. I view him more as my supporter. As if I were a client in a weight loss support group. I think many of you who read his blog daily has been affected by his knowledge and motivation. Imagine living with him! I’m thrilled with the changes our whole family has made, and look forward to new adventures every day.
As Ever
Me
I was never one caught up on looks. I learned at an early age, even a really cute guy can be jerk. So what was the point? It became apparent to me, appearance didn’t mean anything. Unlike my highly competitive step-sister, who made it very clear she didn’t agree with my appearance, or my friend’s appearances. My opinion of her pretty face helped prove my point.
If I had to think about it, High School is where I would start. You know when the hips start to grow and the curves become appealing to most. I swam 20 hours a week, plus competition on the weekends. I weighed in at 160 lbs, with a 28 inch waist, and did I mention curves? Though my mother did her best to provide a balanced dinner, I lived half the time at my father’s house, where I split a box of pasta with my step-sister every night. My breakfasts were bagels, and my lunches were French Fries. I drank soda day in and day out, and candy bars and ice cream were my favorites.
After High School, swimming stopped. I gained 10 lbs. Being poor probably prevented me from gaining 30. I don’t think I realized until then, that you can survive off of Ramen Noodles! Those days moved quickly. I don’t remember much of it. But I remember the scale going up.
I fell in love with my husband on the phone. I was tired of B.S. and really just wanted someone to talk with. Finding someone to listen is easy. But finding someone to talk to…that’s different. And he and I had it! At this point I weighed 180 lbs. I was slowly gaining weight, but I wasn’t concerned. I knew he was a big guy. I kind of liked that. I felt safe around him. I don’t think being a big guy was the only factor. He really cared about me, and I knew if I was in trouble, he would be there for me. (Not that I was the kind of girl that got in trouble a lot ha ha).
It wasn’t long into our relationship, when Tony hurt his back. We were still learning who we were together. We were still splitting our bills 50/50. We still didn’t have a refrigerator in our apartment! The injury definitely rocked the boat. By this time, I was weighing in at 190 lbs. The stress we both carried during the worse of his injury, pushed us to find comfort in food. Treats were common. Pasta was more common because it was cheap, and if we ate it all, we wouldn’t have to put in the cooler with ice in it. Burger King was a regular meal, since at that time they were selling $0.99 cheeseburgers. I wasn’t too concerned about my weight. That Christmas, we were able to buy a video camera (and we finally had a refrigerator). One day that spring, we went to the park and Tony was video taping the kids playing on the playground. He got me going down the slide with our son, which I felt the slide was a little tight, but thought, oh well. I was wearing overalls, which I used to love wearing with a tight shirt; I always thought I looked super cute as a tom-boy with a girl flare. He also got a couple shots of me walking away. Then about half way through the video, he zoomed in on another woman’s butt. Normally, I wouldn’t care. Normally, I would have slapped his arm and moved on. Normally, I would have found a way to get him back! But not this time. I just remember how fat I looked in my clothes, and how big and retarded I looked going down that slide, and how much bigger my butt was compared to that other woman. I ran outside and cried. I don’t know if he knew, but I was hurt. I was mad that I had gained so much weight. And I was confused about how it even happened. My eating habits have been the same as they always were. But here I was hitting 200 lbs!Our wedding day was quickly approaching. We both tried Aitkin’s Diet. It worked! (for awhile) I remember Tony walking into his aunt’s house and wiggling his pants off because they were too big. We were all so happy to be losing weight. I don’t remember my weight, but I think by the time we got married I weighed 190lbs. By the time we got home, I gained it ALL back. Tony got sick one day and felt he needed the carbs, and Aitkin’s was out the door.
You make excuses up as you go. Everyone says you gain weight after your married. The jewelers even tell you to buy a larger ring. Tony’s back injury soon became weight gain, and weight gain became his back injury. It was hard to determine the difference between the two. He couldn’t work out like he used to because his back hurt. His back hurt because he was gaining weight on top of his injury. His identity was getting lost. He would reminisce about hiking, and running, and working out with the boys. He had already decided those days were long gone. Decisions to go out were based on his comfort level. Restaurants were a big issue. Never mind the food had to be good, and portions large, but the seating arrangements had to be made. We barely went to the movies. And concerts, sporting events and the like were out of the question. Some days he would push through it. I remember one time, we went Trick or Treating with the kids on Halloween. The family wanted to walk to a nearby neighborhood to get the best candy. We discussed for probably 15 minutes whether we should drive or walk. Tony wanted to drive over. I backed him up, but the rest of the family wanted to walk. We ended up walking. About 2 blocks in, Tony was leaning on me for support. An extra block out was filled with dread because of an extra block back. One whole block didn’t have any Treats, and we felt like it was a huge waste. And though my memory isn’t that clear, I’m pretty sure that excursion had Tony laid up for a week after.
I tried to lose weight in the past 5 years. Weight Watchers, Exercise, counting calories (though the wrong way), and low/no carbs. I would fluctuate in weight, seeing some success, and then losing all hope by gaining it back. By the time I had our daughter, I weighed in at 249. What could I do? Every time I went to the store, a request for a “treat” was made, and I happily obliged. We worked together at getting fat. I bought a Ford Focus, and it soon became the plight of every outing we had. That was the only time I drove with Tony in the car, because it just wasn’t comfortable with the shifter digging into his leg. We stayed home often, finding comfort in TV, Rented Movies, and Video Games.
I started to push Tony to look into surgery. I felt it was his only hope. I had been hinting at it here and there, but the subject always got dropped. I was afraid for him (blatantly ignoring my own health issues) and I kept asking him to see a doctor, do some research, talk to some of our friends and family that have gone through it. Anything! I know it was getting to him. But I’m glad he found out the things he found out. It was a long process. Close to a year. He kept looking at all the different procedures, and all the side effects. He would come up with an excuse, saying “I don’t want to take vitamins all of my life.” And I would retort, “Do you want to take blood pressure medicine all your life?” Then he came across a side effect he couldn’t accept. Death. I felt like it was hopeless. Couldn’t he see, he was heading there anyways? It may not be this year, or the next. But if he kept gaining weight, things were not going to get better. A few more months went by, and a lot more research happened. And then he announced, on the eve of 2008, that he was going to count calories. I honestly don’t even think I heard him. I went out that night to get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for both of us (each!) to ring in the New Year. I promptly sat down and ate mine. He put his away. The next morning, I made him his regular coffee with lots of milk and lots of sugar. He asked me how much of each I put in the coffee, and I didn’t understand the question. Then he said, “I’m counting calories, so I need to know.” I thought, “Oh, he really meant that?” So the next day, I joined him.
To say I have my husband back is an understatement. It’s more like; I have my boyfriend back since he’s more like when we met, then when we got married. He’s lost more than just weight. He’s lost a whole personality that was affecting the whole family. He lost the guy who just wanted to stay home and let life pass by. He lost the guy who felt a video game was easier than a trip to the park with the kids. He lost the guy who had very little control over his life. He has gained his self respect, energy, father-hood, and a happy married life.
I was thinking about how “we” have done this together. I’m down to 180 lbs and looking forward to losing more. I have supported him, tried different foods, done special grocery lists, and involved my parents so we can enjoy dinner over their house. We discuss bad weigh-in weeks and good weigh-in weeks and much more. Sometimes, though, I don’t see myself as someone who has done this with him. I view him more as my supporter. As if I were a client in a weight loss support group. I think many of you who read his blog daily has been affected by his knowledge and motivation. Imagine living with him! I’m thrilled with the changes our whole family has made, and look forward to new adventures every day.
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