At the core of it.. weight loss for the guy I use to know

At the core of it.. weight loss for the guy I use to know

calorie counting llose weight lost 200 pounds Weight Loss zeusmeatball

Sometimes we lose sight of things and others its like we snatch it up by it's throat and handle it immediately, then other times circumstances dictate where the boat goes and it gets me thinking...

I am who I am, and I know I stole that from Popeye but its the truth so I'll use it, but my point is that no matter the circumstances I am who I am. The environment can change and at times environments can change us but at out core we remain. I am the same guy who dropped 229 pounds like it was my job but I have gained a significant amount of that back, and lost it again then gained it back... again, and this cycle is ridiculously unfortunate and infuriating all at the same time. 

I'm capable of eating within my calories, I am capable of exercising (perhaps not up the point that I want to but I can) yet I find myself doing the opposite more times than not lately and well yeah.. I told my wife "After the 1st its on like Donkey Kong baby, I'm losing it again" now I find myself eating less but not counting like I should and I am definitely not exercising as I should be but why?

I compare weight loss/healthy living to a train rolling down the tracks and if you look above you'll see the banner reflects that as its been there almost since conception of this blog. A train takes a lot to get it rolling, chugging along sputtering and spitting making lots of noise, bellowing smoke and dragging the immense weight of itself down the tracks. Slowly but surely it gains momentum, picking up speed and it gets easier for the train to keep rolling until its up to speed and chugging along almost effortlessly, efficiently and I dare you to stop it. 

The thing about trains is that if it does derail its typically disastrous, freight all over the place, rail cars smashed and crashed and all of the momentum is lost. Talking about derailed, I started off with Popeye.. So, my point is that I am the guy that lost all that weight, I am that guy who sputtered and chugged along the tracks and I did it, I was as healthy as I have ever been in my life and well, you guessed it, derailed but I'm thinking that just because I was derailed doesn't mean that I am done for yet I think I've been looking at it that way because of all of the I will use pain for a summery kind of word as to a big part of my lack of momentum again. but I think its time, time to say to hell with it and get back on that horse because the alternative hasn't been so fun. 

At my core I am that guy, the one who loves his bikes, the guy who can hike all day and be happy about it, the very same guy who teamed up on his friend reprimanding him for eating "cloned beef" thats me and I'm tired of wearing this other guy suit and ignoring who I am at my core....

Lets get this train rolling again. 

As Ever

Me

Day something, calorie record.

Day something, calorie record.

calorie counting calorie record lose 200 pounds making a come back zeusmeatball

 Something not totally new, Posting my daily intake. I have been doing fairly for a bit so I wanted to share the menus from my days, for now it will be simplistic with my intake but perhaps I will start writing again, we shall see.

I allow myself 1800 calories per day currently


Breakfast
2 servings pops cereal        240
8 oz 1% milk        110

Snack    
2 Dannon light Greek yogurt        160

Lunch     
Applebees Steakhouse Bruschette Sirloin        530
a few sweet potato fries from wifes plate of fries        150
     
Dinner
3 light mozz cheese sticks        180
olive oil        40
2 La Tortilla factory wraps        220
pizza sauce        30
diced peppers/onions       20
parm cheese        20
1/2 oz pepperoni        40

Evening snack       
2 Dannon light Greek yogurt        160

Total intake for 5-25-15 is 1900 calories.         

I am weighing myself again and perhaps that will start making appearances here on the blog again too.

As Ever
Me

As simply as I can say it..

As simply as I can say it..

I'm fucking awesome just do it Weight Loss You are here zeusmeatball

In life, sometimes we are not sure where to start, many times it seems so daunting that we fail before we start, other times we dwell on what use to be but it will always remain the same no matter at what junction we stand.

You must start from the point at which you currently stand, not because its the best idea, not because someone else said so and not because the mood strikes you on any particular day.

But because it is where you stand and there is no other starting point.

What's holding YOU back?

Now to take my own advice.....

As Ever

Me

Day 1, an inch at a time... Kicking and screaming if I must.

Day 1, an inch at a time... Kicking and screaming if I must.

calorie counting lost 200 pounds Weight Loss zeusmeatball

Baby steps.. that's what they say right? This oh woe is me shit doesn't look good on me so I've decided that I am going to try and pull that old me.. err or is it the new me? or maybe the new old me, well whatever it is hes coming back out in the front of the line. Its hard, I won't lie but when has it been easy? so if I drag myself an inch at a time eventually that will be a foot, then a mile then.... 

I am tired of this shit, I am tired of being tired and I am aggravated with myself for allowing the back pedaling with my health and weight, in that order because with good health comes the weight loss. I was once a completely sedentary 500 pound man, I became an extremely active 300 pound super hero and I have slowly but surely inched my way back up to over 400 pounds and inactive. No fucking way am I going to let myself stay here, I deserve better and like I said, if I have to drag my ass an inch at a time so be it. 

There will be slips, there will be days that I don't feel the way I feel as I write this but working through those times is what I need to relearn to do because if I don't I let people down and not just myself. When I started this blog I was completely lost, it was an experiment as much as a desperate man forcing a change so that death was not peeking into his windows every night and this time around I have a little more experience and I have to apply that to my daily so that we're back where we need to be.

Today I decided that this would be my Day 1.

Today I am recommitting myself to myself.

Today I take back what I worked so hard to get and what I deserve to have. 

This train is no longer idle, please step aside, I would hate to run over any innocent bystanders.. 

As Ever
Me

It's your process, fuck the rest.

It's your process, fuck the rest.

calorie counting lose 200 pounds reflection Weight Loss zeusmeatball

Walking, riding, eating right and staying hydrated, welcome to my life right now. This is the way it needs to be, I enjoy life like this better than any other way so that makes being a stress eater very frustrating. I see motivational sayings posted all over the internet and facebook etc and I think most of them are pretty silly mostly because I think every person struggling with weight loss though sharing THAT common denominator is in a different place.

5?? pounds.

I can state "The decision is yours! You have the fork in your hand! just put it down!" and some of the people will completely relate and say "hell yeah!" while others will want to say it and feel that way but truth be told they are not at that stage in their process. I find that weight loss and better health is less one dimensional than that and one day to the next can be completely different experiences not from different people but from the same person. When I am on point I feel unstoppable, I am a weight loss superstar dammit and this fat will not continue to loiter around on my front step and that's the end of it, but when a bad day peeks in well yeah. When I am off its a struggle, I mean every minute of the day, Staying true to the process is not easy in those moments and no matter how much I want or need to stay dead solid on track something inside is trying to get me to fail at that task.

I know life, if you want to call it that at more than 500 pounds, I know life at 300 pounds and I know life at 400 knowing how the other two feel after being there so recently and frustration is dug in deep on all levels. When I was 500 pounds I thought there was no fixing it on my own, I felt like it was a hopeless venture and I would be stuck there forever so I tried. That adventure brought me all the way down to 300 pounds, I got invites from talk shows to appear on them and I even went to the Dr Oz show because of it, I have made friends because of the weight loss, I rode my bikes constantly became very active and felt amazing. Then less than a couple years ago I lost my mother, I was 330 pounds on that day and I know because I posted a blog post here and got the call immediately after I posted and days like that tend to stick out in a persons mind. Some other "stresses" dominated my life and I put on at least 100 pounds over the last year and a half or so, currently I am just under 400 pounds after losing at my best estimate about 30 pounds.

320 lbs

Losing weight and better health is not a one size fits all kind of thing, BUT in general if you eat less (and healthy foods) and move more the weight should come off even if its not as fast as you would like. I am extremely motivated and pig headed once I get something in my head and for the life of me I could not drop any weight in the last almost two years no matter how hard I tried or pretended to try or or or.... 

I think that its awesome that blogger X, Y and Z are at that point in their process that they can tout how easy it is as long as you put the fork down or how YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT YOU EAT! rah rah sis boom bah! awesome... but.. Something I have learned is that no matter who we are, we all struggle with the same problem in very different ways and that is why there is no "miracle pill" that works or will ever work. 

 320 lbs

I am at a point in my process where I can see things from so many angles all at the same time and I almost feel like this is what I needed on a personal level to get and keep the weight off permanently, you know, to see 500, 300 and then start coming back up again so that in a way its like that whole not missing something till its gone thing. I am just under 400 pounds, I need to get back down to a maximum of 300 pounds and I almost feel like I needed to taste that freedom so that I can appreciate it the way that I should have when I was there the first time around. 

Walking with my children, riding my bike with my daughter, riding my bike alone on a trail covered in dead leaves on a cool Autumn day, appreciating everything that I can do effortlessly because I am not carrying the equivalent of another human being on my bones  are just some of the things that I enjoy about not being super obese. 

305 lbs, I need to get back here like NOW!

This post is purely written for me, I contemplated not posting it to the blog but I use the blog to reflect back at moments and how I felt at a given moment so it shall be posted. Take from it what you want to, take nothing at all if that works for you but remember we are all walking a road that is filled with obstacles, we all struggle and though the end results that we all seek may be the same, the road taken is rarely even close to the same.  

Stay focused, Stay as positive as the moment permits and with a ton of hard work I believe that we can all meet at the end of that road and share our stories of how we got there with one another. 

That's all I got. 

As Ever
Me   

Flying blind on a rocket cycle...

Flying blind on a rocket cycle...

lost 200 pounds low calorie diet sexy fat man Weigh in zeusmeatball

I have been doing this with the Bodymedia arm band for 22 days now, I have been sticking to walking and eating right for about a week past that and though I know that I am doing everything right I had no gauge because my scale checks out at 400 pounds. Frustrating much? damn right it is, working my ass off but not knowing where the progress or lack of progress is is a little annoying. The 1980 flick Flash Gordon (one of my favorite flicks) came to mind, there is a line in that movie where he says that hes flying blind on a rocket cycle when talking to Prince Vultan and its how I've felt.

Until this morning...

Hopped onto the scale this morning and the little spinning circles were going to stop on "E" again so I barely looked at down but when it stopped t was not an E, no it was not, not today it was a 403.6. So I got on again and waddaya know, 403.6 again and with that I have something to go off to measure progress without looking into the mirror and thinking "I look a little less puffy" so I am pleased with this event this morning. I am taken back to a post from when I started dropping weight in the beginning of 2008 and its funny how clear I remember writing that post. I did not have a scale back then and when I finally got one that would hold me I was 511 pounds, I remember being happy that I was 511 pounds and I mentioned in the post how excited I was and its again how I feel this morning.

I am very much addicted to checking my weight when I am on, Hey! I like to know my progress what can I say? so knowing that I am today weighing in at 403.6 pounds I have a start point, a line in the sand if you will and its time to start crushing it again... hey hey no fat jokes! I crush lots of things but this weight is coming down and the plan is to get it back down to 300 then reevaluate from there. 

I will continue to do what I am doing because its obviously working, I am back on the scale, I feel better than I have in a year and thats enough. I am doing my part now my body needs to keep on letting go of the weight and we will get back to where we need to be and I can get on with not being as giant as I am/was again.

Today I will go on my walk, today I will go on my evening bike ride with my daughter and today I will eat within my calorie limits, see ya back at 300 pounds!

That's all I got for today

As Ever
Me

This is mine.

This is mine.

fuck you Weight Loss zeusmeatball

Every painful step I take up this fucking hill, every rotation of the pedals where my legs beg for mercy, every single drop of sweat that beads on my head and runs into my eyes, I have earned, it is my debt to pay. I have been sentenced to this, it is mine, I own it and I need to make good on all of the late night deals that I made, all of the second plates, the pain now is the price for those things and I accept that as my sentence so my body will have to enjoy the pain because its not going to stop.

Now get out of my way before someone gets hurt, the brakes are gone, there is no stopping this train.

As Ever

The Train