At the core of it.. weight loss for the guy I use to know

At the core of it.. weight loss for the guy I use to know

calorie counting llose weight lost 200 pounds Weight Loss zeusmeatball

Sometimes we lose sight of things and others its like we snatch it up by it's throat and handle it immediately, then other times circumstances dictate where the boat goes and it gets me thinking...

I am who I am, and I know I stole that from Popeye but its the truth so I'll use it, but my point is that no matter the circumstances I am who I am. The environment can change and at times environments can change us but at out core we remain. I am the same guy who dropped 229 pounds like it was my job but I have gained a significant amount of that back, and lost it again then gained it back... again, and this cycle is ridiculously unfortunate and infuriating all at the same time. 

I'm capable of eating within my calories, I am capable of exercising (perhaps not up the point that I want to but I can) yet I find myself doing the opposite more times than not lately and well yeah.. I told my wife "After the 1st its on like Donkey Kong baby, I'm losing it again" now I find myself eating less but not counting like I should and I am definitely not exercising as I should be but why?

I compare weight loss/healthy living to a train rolling down the tracks and if you look above you'll see the banner reflects that as its been there almost since conception of this blog. A train takes a lot to get it rolling, chugging along sputtering and spitting making lots of noise, bellowing smoke and dragging the immense weight of itself down the tracks. Slowly but surely it gains momentum, picking up speed and it gets easier for the train to keep rolling until its up to speed and chugging along almost effortlessly, efficiently and I dare you to stop it. 

The thing about trains is that if it does derail its typically disastrous, freight all over the place, rail cars smashed and crashed and all of the momentum is lost. Talking about derailed, I started off with Popeye.. So, my point is that I am the guy that lost all that weight, I am that guy who sputtered and chugged along the tracks and I did it, I was as healthy as I have ever been in my life and well, you guessed it, derailed but I'm thinking that just because I was derailed doesn't mean that I am done for yet I think I've been looking at it that way because of all of the I will use pain for a summery kind of word as to a big part of my lack of momentum again. but I think its time, time to say to hell with it and get back on that horse because the alternative hasn't been so fun. 

At my core I am that guy, the one who loves his bikes, the guy who can hike all day and be happy about it, the very same guy who teamed up on his friend reprimanding him for eating "cloned beef" thats me and I'm tired of wearing this other guy suit and ignoring who I am at my core....

Lets get this train rolling again. 

As Ever

Me

No Gimmicks, just the plain and simple of it.

No Gimmicks, just the plain and simple of it.

calorie counting weight loss calorie record how to lose 200 pounds I'm a super hero lost 200 pounds Weight Loss

Another day, another post with my calories, its funny actually that this is sort of how I started off writing this blog back at the beginning of 2008, by posting my calories and menu then some random words about said things and here we are again. I do not believe in "Breakfast food" and "Dinner food" etc so you'll see I had a ham and cheese on rye for breakfast, calories in fitting into my allowances is what its about.

Breakfast
2 slices light rye bread        100
.5 oz cheese        55
4oz ham        130
       
2 Dannon light Greek yogurt        160

Lunch       
2 servings pops cereal        240
8 oz 1% milk        110
       
1 Banana        110
1 T peanut butter        100

Dinner      
1 C white rice        200
8oz turky keilbasi        360
       
2 Dannon light Greek yogurt        160
       
4 Brazil nuts        90

Total 1815

In addition to the calories I drink 1 gallon of green tea per day and a minimum of another half gallon of straight H2O which is more times than  not another gallon of water so I won't post my fluid intakes unless it was low for a particular day, Simple right? it is what it is and I have a goal to reach by August 1st, its on.

As Ever
Me

The girl in the red dress.

The girl in the red dress.

calorie counting success lost 200 pounds positive attitude restart Weight Loss

I decided to log into the blog after someone that I have known since childhood said to me "I read your blog and I'm waiting for an update" I had no idea that people I knew actually read this blog because I tried to keep it as out of that loop as possible but here goes, an update. 

When I say there is a lot going on in my personal life I am understating, which honestly sounds like an excuse to me but as I have stated before I am indeed a stress/emotional eater which I'm working on but for now it wins that fight more times than not and I find myself lit from the front by a refrigerator light at times. My success with dropping weight paired with this whole regain bullshit that I've allowed myself to slide back into just because focusing on me is rougher these days has got to stop and I've "restarted" so many times in the last 2 years that I could be the poster boy for yo yo dieting at this point. There are days when I'm all like "Bring it on, I am the god of hellfire and everything health bows to me bitches! I got this" Then there are times that I feel more like Eore from Winnie the pooh and it goes to shit, I suppose I'm not alone in that kind of thing but damn its gotta let up sometimes... or. 

The day that this person I've known forever stated that she reads my blog I met a friend of hers and I didn't say anything at the time but this friend of hers forced me to think about this whole walk down the yellow brick road to health I've been on in a different way, the way I use to see it. Talking to this person reminded me that the attitude in which you approach a situation is possibly more important than than the process itself in a way. Though we only spoke briefly, I learned that she had lost 90 pounds and was a kettlebell instructor, her attitude and positive outlook stuck with me more than she probably realized in that moment. Over the last week I have been reflecting on a lot of things and decided that its time to take my body and health back from the negativity that currently holds the keys with an attitude change.

Life is too short and we never know what cards we will be dealt at any given moment, sometimes we get pocket aces, win the huge pot then happily ever after and other times we lose the farm, the key is that whatever we are handed that we stay the course. A blip on the radar in the grand scheme, a short conversation with a person who I know not much about other than she was really positive and dealt with some weight loss/health tuning of her own forced a week of reflecting on my part and here I am, with an update.

My excel sheet was dusted off and the salter scale is on the counter, I am heading out to the grocery store for some fresh stuff to eat after I click publish, Its time to find that guy who use to be as positive as that girl in the red dress again.

Thats all I got for today.

As Ever
Me 

Day 1, an inch at a time... Kicking and screaming if I must.

Day 1, an inch at a time... Kicking and screaming if I must.

calorie counting lost 200 pounds Weight Loss zeusmeatball

Baby steps.. that's what they say right? This oh woe is me shit doesn't look good on me so I've decided that I am going to try and pull that old me.. err or is it the new me? or maybe the new old me, well whatever it is hes coming back out in the front of the line. Its hard, I won't lie but when has it been easy? so if I drag myself an inch at a time eventually that will be a foot, then a mile then.... 

I am tired of this shit, I am tired of being tired and I am aggravated with myself for allowing the back pedaling with my health and weight, in that order because with good health comes the weight loss. I was once a completely sedentary 500 pound man, I became an extremely active 300 pound super hero and I have slowly but surely inched my way back up to over 400 pounds and inactive. No fucking way am I going to let myself stay here, I deserve better and like I said, if I have to drag my ass an inch at a time so be it. 

There will be slips, there will be days that I don't feel the way I feel as I write this but working through those times is what I need to relearn to do because if I don't I let people down and not just myself. When I started this blog I was completely lost, it was an experiment as much as a desperate man forcing a change so that death was not peeking into his windows every night and this time around I have a little more experience and I have to apply that to my daily so that we're back where we need to be.

Today I decided that this would be my Day 1.

Today I am recommitting myself to myself.

Today I take back what I worked so hard to get and what I deserve to have. 

This train is no longer idle, please step aside, I would hate to run over any innocent bystanders.. 

As Ever
Me

Fat guy issues..

Fat guy issues..

fat guy lost 200 pounds low calorie diet struggles weight loss Weight Loss

When we know what to do, when we are fully aware of how to do it, when most of the tools needed are available and still the focus is not there what is the solution to that riddle? This is the place that I am in currently, I just cannot stay focused on the task at hand for more than a few days at a time before I find myself standing in front of the fridge staring in as if its the ark of the covenant, which didn't work out too well for the Germans in the Indiana Jones movie. I think back to that day in 2007 when I decided that I would start writing in this very blog, when I decided that enough was enough and weighing so much was not fun and games and I wonder how I was so focused. 

Fear, I was driven by fear back then, I was also driven by the anonymity that came with a blossoming blogger writing a blog and not knowing if anyone was actually reading it, in other words, no pressure. This blog played a huge part in my success and I believe that whole heartedly, there just is no denying that being able to lay it all out there helped to drive me into success. We need to get there again, no matter how hard I try I just cannot seem to get that eagle eye focus that I had when I first started losing weight and getting healthier and it bothers me more than I let on to anyone in my personal life or here when I write on this blog.   

Since I started writing this blog there are two people that were driving forces for me in this online world of weight loss blogging that have passed away. They struggled like I do with figuring out a way to stay focused and when I learned of their passing on each occasion I cried. Did I cry because someone that I had come to know had passed away struggling with weight issues? or was it because I was on a path not so different than theirs? maybe a combination of both? I don't know but it impacted me greatly.

This blog has served me well, I have met people that I call friends now, I have learned a lot about myself and fueling ones body and I have it here to look back on. I am going to try to get back in here posting more regularly again because that fear is creeping back in slowly and it sort of makes my ass look big so I need to get away from it again. 

Anyone that says "just stop eating" or looks at people that struggle with weight loss in a negative or demeaning way needs to reevaluate their out look on the subject because its not that simple, if it were we would all be walking around looking amazing and blogs like this wouldn't exist. Cut us fatties a break would ya? we're trying, even if it doesn't appear to be that way, we are and contrary to popular belief its not a party, this shit sucks.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it, I'm trying.. I suppose its all that can be expected of anyone. 

As Ever

Me

Weighing in on weighing in. A less profound but more factual post from your favorite fat man.

Weighing in on weighing in. A less profound but more factual post from your favorite fat man.

calorie counting lost 200 pounds walking for weighe loss Weigh in

So a couple weeks ago I weighed in at 403.6 pounds on my scale that only goes up to 400 pounds so I questioned its accuracy from the start but at the same time seeing a number was good for the mind. After that day I didn't get another weight to show up so my questioning it was warranted but since I am a gotta see the numbers kind of fella my lovely wife went out and got us a new scale that  goes to 450 pounds... eeeeeek! I never thought a scale that robust would be needed again but alas, here we are.

In the beginning of the week I weighed 404.6 pounds and this morning I busted through that 400 pound barrier and weighed in at 399.6 pounds. I will give it another week before I celebrate getting out of the 400's but damn I gotta say its a weight lifted off of my shoulders and I mean quite literally along with the figurative part of that statement. 

I have been walking daily 1.8 miles on my "short walk" and a more average 2.3 miles but at least twice per week I do my "long walk" which is 3.2 miles. My calorie intake is @ 1800 per day currently and will remain there until I stop dropping weight. Evening rides with my daughter have slowed down since she started school again but I am trying to get them going again before it gets too cold for her to ride. 

I am feeling like myself again, focused, on point, determined and disciplined with everything that I do. Food is once again merely fuel for my body instead of a "treat" or something to "reward" myself with  and I am embarrassed along with aggravated at myself for allowing things not exactly in my control to beat me back into an unhealthy way of living. 

I am determined to get back down to my low weight and beyond..

As Ever
Me

Flying blind on a rocket cycle...

Flying blind on a rocket cycle...

lost 200 pounds low calorie diet sexy fat man Weigh in zeusmeatball

I have been doing this with the Bodymedia arm band for 22 days now, I have been sticking to walking and eating right for about a week past that and though I know that I am doing everything right I had no gauge because my scale checks out at 400 pounds. Frustrating much? damn right it is, working my ass off but not knowing where the progress or lack of progress is is a little annoying. The 1980 flick Flash Gordon (one of my favorite flicks) came to mind, there is a line in that movie where he says that hes flying blind on a rocket cycle when talking to Prince Vultan and its how I've felt.

Until this morning...

Hopped onto the scale this morning and the little spinning circles were going to stop on "E" again so I barely looked at down but when it stopped t was not an E, no it was not, not today it was a 403.6. So I got on again and waddaya know, 403.6 again and with that I have something to go off to measure progress without looking into the mirror and thinking "I look a little less puffy" so I am pleased with this event this morning. I am taken back to a post from when I started dropping weight in the beginning of 2008 and its funny how clear I remember writing that post. I did not have a scale back then and when I finally got one that would hold me I was 511 pounds, I remember being happy that I was 511 pounds and I mentioned in the post how excited I was and its again how I feel this morning.

I am very much addicted to checking my weight when I am on, Hey! I like to know my progress what can I say? so knowing that I am today weighing in at 403.6 pounds I have a start point, a line in the sand if you will and its time to start crushing it again... hey hey no fat jokes! I crush lots of things but this weight is coming down and the plan is to get it back down to 300 then reevaluate from there. 

I will continue to do what I am doing because its obviously working, I am back on the scale, I feel better than I have in a year and thats enough. I am doing my part now my body needs to keep on letting go of the weight and we will get back to where we need to be and I can get on with not being as giant as I am/was again.

Today I will go on my walk, today I will go on my evening bike ride with my daughter and today I will eat within my calorie limits, see ya back at 300 pounds!

That's all I got for today

As Ever
Me